What does one do when one's mind is too restless to function, too occupied to slow down?
One writes. One writes to process, to anchor, to stabilise. One writes so one can move on.
It's been a long time (close to 8 months now) since my last post, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit disappointed with what I have to show for it. Last August, when I finally made the choice to keep a blog, I thought I was beginning to grow up. I thought my mind would mature, that I would have fewer passions, but those passions I would uphold with utmost enthusiasm. I thought I was done with useless daydreams of my multiple futures, the writer, the dancer, the photographer, the musician, the academic, the actress.
Was I very wrong? Short answer yes. But long answer no; it takes a lot more than a summer resolution to stop being an ineffectual dreamer, and actually be the go-getter you so fantasise of becoming. I have grown since then, grown in the realisation that no matter what, life has boundaries and I have to see them. But what I thought back then, that the world would enforce those boundaries upon me, has changed - and that is why I have grown. You have to set those boundaries yourself. It's not good for your personality to split it into multiple, smaller personas. It's not good for your mind to be a Yes Man, to chase every lead you think you have. Rather, maturity comes from being able to distinguish what you can handle and achieve from the ones that will only serve as a distraction, a load on your shoulders.
On the road to self-discovery, you'll see that there is indeed a great deal you can do - but a much smaller amount you should if you want to give it your all.
So I'm back again, who knows for how long. I've understood I figure out my mind flutter when I put it in writing, and that's the way I aim to continue.
If you're lost and confused in your mind's own potential, slow down for a moment. Then stop. Only then will the fluttering images, ideas, and thoughts stop for long enough for you to see them and appreciate them.